Busy, But Unmotivated

I have so much work to do... but I feel like doing nothing. I do not even know where to start, so I don't start anything. I wish I could get a wave of motivation to splash across my desk, whisking me into a working frenzy. Instead I sit and try to find ways to procrastinate, like writing this blog.

God, help me!

The Happiness Factor

I am reading the book Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD. Shahar beleives that we all fit into one of the following mindsets:

The Rat Racer: This group works constantly for the future, but in pursuit of wealth and success fails to enjoy the present.
The Hedonist: This group lives in pursuit of physical pleasure and in avoidance of pain. By living only for the superficial, they aren’t able to find any meaning in life.
The Nihilist: This group holds the opinion that sustainable happiness isn’t possible. If you’ll never be happy, there’s no point in trying.

After analyzing this portion of the book I decided I fall somewhere between The Rat Racer and The Nihilist. I am constantly running on the rat wheel of life, only to realize I am still in the rat wheel with nothing to show for it. It gets harder to beleive that one day happiness will happen to you, when nothing really changes.

I was watching Simon Cowell's Master Class on the OWN Network and he said part of the journey to success is being patient and learning as you go. Maybe patience and faith that everything will be okay is what I need to learn. It is hard to hold on to that faith when you feel like your rat wheel has been running for eternity.

You can get "Happier" at http://www.amazon.com/

Prized Posessions

With the many horrific fires burning up the state if Colorado, I started to think about what I would grab if I were forced to evacuate my home. As I pondered this decision, I realized I am not very attached to many things. I could care less if I lost my furniture or televisions. My clothes would take a long time to replace, but it is not something I need to be happy and to be me. However, sentimental items such as pictures and jewelry given to me by family and friends were things that I wouldnt want to be without. Luckily I have most of my important documents on some sort of electronic source, so simply grabbing my laptop and flash drive would cover the logical items.

So here is my list. I narrowed it down to 5:

1- 3 Loving Dogs

2- Laptop

3- Scrapbooks

4- Sentimental Necklaces and Rings

5- 1 suitcase of Clothes and Toiletries 

Unproductive

I have a feeling this week is going to be very unproductive. I get to work and just stare into nothingness, unmotivated to do the work on my desk. And the sad thing is, I really don't care about the consequences of not getting it done. Because if I did get fired, at least I would be forced to makes adjustments in my life for the lack of income. Choosing to do that just doesn't make sense.... weird how your mind works when you really just don't care.

Choices

I absolutely hate making choices. I am never 100% satisfied with my choice, ever. Considering life is FULL of choices big and small, it makes for a very stressful and doubting existence. Many say.. "Why don't you weigh the pros and cons?" That is easier said than done. How do you measure you own personal happiness verses the logical choice?

I see people every day who pick personal happiness over money, material items, or paying of their debts. They appear to enjoy life and not feel controlled by their paycheck. But I always question if they are truly happy, or if they are putting on a brave face.

The people who have a mortgage, and car payments, and credit cards seem more stressed out and miserable, but they typically have nicer things. Even though they have a steady paycheck, most of it goes to paying their bills. They usually belong to the whiners and complainers category, I happen to be one of them.

So what do you do, chose the road less travelled and hope that you be happy? Or do you chose stability and go on living hoping that one day your perseverance and hard works pays off, bringing you happiness?



Happy Summer Solstice!

 

So we grew together,
Like to a double cherry, seeming parted,
But yet an union in partition;
Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;
So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart

-A Midsummer Night's Dream

 

According to Ancient Pagans, Summer Solstice is a time of healing and fertility. Every day I witness the wave of fertility sweeping over those around me, bringing joy and excitment into the men and women who will soon welcome a special addition to their family. Let this time bring healing for all those who have lost someone this past year, and fertility for those hoping to expand thier loving families.

Jump to Spread Your Wings and Soar

I am have been contemplating a tattoo on the side of my foot that says "Jump". It is a Madonna song that really speaks to me from her Confessions on a Dancefloor album. Here are some of the lyrics:

I haven't got much time to waste,

its time to make my way

I'm not afraid of what I'll face,

but I'm afraid to stay

I'm travelling down my own road

and I can make it alone

I'll work and I'll fight

'till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to Jump,

get ready to Jump,

Don't ever look back oh baby

Yes I'm ready to Jump,

just take my hand,

Get ready to,

Are you ready?

Today I was listening to Christina Aguiliera's Stripped album (a must have!) and the song "Soar" stuck out to me. I now want to incorporate that into my tattoo. Here are some of the inspirational lyrics from this song:

Don't be scared to fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
Its in your hands
The world is your
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar

What is it in us that makes us feel the need
To keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be

So, to remind me to have faith that everything is going to be okay, and life is worth taking risks, I have come up with:

"Jump and Soar"