Two weeks ago my mother found a lump in her neck. After performing several tests that all came back inconclusive, the family was convinced it was cancer. The night I found out I sat still in my bed, unable to sleep, with thoughts racing through my head. I quietly left our bedroom, trying to avoid disturbing my sleeping husband and retreated into our spare bedroom to write in my journal.
Crying and writing tends to help me sort through the thoughts in my head and return to my bed at peace. This time the crying turned to sobbing, which turned to hyperventilating, which resulted in an epiphany. No longer will I hold on to the things of the past. It is not worth carrying that anger every day, especially if my mother has a life threatening disease. Regardless of the results I made a vow to never hold on to those negative feelings again.
Yesterday, after much anxiety and stress, we found out it was just a swollen gland. Although the last two weeks were painful, I was given a gift. The gift of being able to let go, and that is priceless.
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